The love|Boy's point of view|Final part
(continued from Boy's point of view|Part 2)
...You can't engineer a relationship,we just ought to do things right.Love really hurts without you,Selena.I'm not and never was a shiny person in anything,I just had a vulnerable heart that loved to sit in one corner of comfort.A disturbed mind can write thousands of words than a creative mind,I guess that is true.
You know,I had already reached that phase where my world, my decisions revolved just around you and our future,pouring my heart to you and ready to get destroyed willingly for you.I have been living with a stone heart for sometime now,makes me feel I'm missing something.They say if the thoughts of losing a person doesn't scare the shit out of you,then it's not love.To tell you the fact,I always wanted to be your priority and I wanted you badly even after you abandoned me.But Selena,there comes a moment when you don't want to feel anything not even a fear and hope of returning of the person.
Never had imagined your small gesture of attention can brighten my day and your absence would dim the light of my positiveness towards the living.The level of missing you are too high in the morning and evening than in day.Particularly,nights are always heavy and hard.Well,they always have been.Was I ever mean to you?Was I that bad that I am getting this mistreating?You were a habit,a strong one.Don't worry,I am figuring out to work on this fear and agony slowly.However,sometimes I look at the couples and wonder about how they make it(chuckling).Lately,I have been determined to see you happy and let you go.
The moment of departure is always disheartening,
two hearts are to be separated,
hands left alone,
and legs walk as if it has a promise to keep of never returning back.
You have always taken my habit of prioritizing you and giving immense attention to you as my weakness of submissive habit.You wanted me to behave gentle to your boyfriends, friendly with your girlfriends,sensible with you parents, comfortable with your friends and sometimes soft and emotional,sometimes like a man,sometime as'prince charming',sometime as a practically matured man and so much complicated behaviors in between.I accepted them all but did you bother asking me what is the real behavior of mine?What I am comfortable in life?(scoffing)How would you know,for you were busy crafting me right?Whenever I tried to get near you,I was being desperately physically oriented but if you touched me frequently you would want me to take as sign of love?Erm...amazing portrait of love discrimination,great.Since you have bid me goodbye,there is certain heaviness in chest, a threatening one.Might take time but that is fine.A wave to get surrounded to you hovers me but I 'm patiently surviving this panic. Have you ever tried to think how empty handed and deserted you have left me?I just begged for your 'stay'that was it.Losing anything is never easy, we always want it back.Being with you made me feel like...like...infinite,ya that is kind of ''perfect'' word to it.
But I am having enough time for self-realization.Why we expect it to discern every time?I think I drowned into oblivion and never wanted to know about woe you might be in.I want to apologize as well because I didn't have time to think about your desires and kept highlighting my own opinions and assertions.If only there was button to stop you from moving out of my life...but alas.
You liked sunflower always, but I kept caring you as rose,that is where my love fell short of the mark.Hopefully you will find someone who treat you as a sunflower and not as overrated roses in the world.
Your well wisher