7 DAYS OF HAPPINESS 4

DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS IS DYNAMIC

Happiness nowadays is not a natural or easy assessment. A good answer requires a fair amount of thinking. The dominance of conclusions over arguments is most pronounced where emotions are involved. The psychologist Paul Slovic has proposed an affect heuristic in which people let their likes and dislikes determine their beliefs about the world.

Some people do ask me, ‘’Why do you write everyday when you get so few likes and compliments ?’’ I smile and honestly I feel grateful for the concern about me but it has been a few years since I have redefined my happiness so it really matters less powerfully to me. I wouldn’t lie, it does affect but being ''successful'' and being ''happy'' are two different terms to me nowadays.

When I was child, my happiness resided in making my parents proud, probably becoming a doctor. I used to be so happy when my parents accolade my academic grades. As a child, obviously I would get happy eating delicious foods and wearing new eye-catching dresses. I felt happy when I would start dancing randomly in masses of people clapping to motivate me in my favourite song back then, ‘’Muglin Pari Tarera Gandaki’’ during the time when cassette tape recorders can easily record sound on and play sound back from tape. I don’t remember much about what my other happiness was because I preferred being a disciplined child. 

When I started growing up, I have observed that my ever smiling face is slowly fading its wide smile masking a lot of times with fake smiles. The small things that mattered to me are filled with a lot of disappointments from almost all living and nonliving organisms. In the name of being serious, I have started being so critical on many things that I have probably stopped finding anything fascinating. The enthusiasm I felt on notifications about likes on Facebook, receiving friend requests from strangers, posting photos on Facebook doesn’t tickle me anymore. Birthdays, celebrations, even achievements don't thrill me as much as it used to, it has been so ordinary even less special than normal days. I don’t remember an hour conversation on some stupid issues and laughing as if no one is watching. Taking care of one's body, maintaining close connections with course books, and feeling prominent about myself are rare emotions. A lot of psychological writings and quotes would relate so much that even my childhood dream of making my parents proud seemed a distant star because I wasn’t proud of myself. The comparisons of achievements of my contemporaries and even juniors, unfulfilled ambitions, stagnant feeling of helplessness, coercion of responsibility,  striving everyday to become an image that I always dreamt of, and fears would stack over the mind and it would never go away. Initially when I scrolled my elder’s Facebook, I would notice a lot of posts about disappointments about growing up. I never wanted to fall in that trap since I felt I was responsible to make my own way but slowly it seems as if it is drawing me in the blackhole. 

I hear many people saying to me that childhood was full of happiness, but was it? The pressure to be an obedient child, to perform excellently in academics, reminding parents to buy favourite food for the tiffin box, encountering a lot of school bullies, it too had a lot of pressure though a little less than today. 

As a child, I had a profession as an aim but nowadays my ultimate aim is to be happy. When I will have curvy figure, when I will have saggy face and body, when I am working late night, when I am basking in the sun, when I am fulfilling my dream, when I am daydreaming, when I am rejected, when I am accepted, when I am alive, after my death. I find happiness in being noob, I find happiness in gaining confidence as a pro, I find happiness in learning and I find happiness in unlearning, while remembering my past and thinking about my future. Yes, I want to be happy, the level of happiness might differ, the stimulus might be different but it’s just an eyeglass that needs to get repaired to count happiness. Uncertainty does scare me but I want to choose happiness over that as well. Life will always become the mess that I never wanted, I am sure of it. Memories of many people affect me, entrance of many people consumes my time on remembering them, a lot of mistakes still horrify me, friends that turned strangers, strangers that turned friends, love that turned its head, a head that became love, a lot of things that defined my happiness.  The numbers like love react to my photos, my height, followers on my social media, weight, grades, age, pretty much any number ever are just a number to me. Remarkably, these were something that defined me as part of my life. Focusing on internal and outer excellence definitely enhanced my happiness. 

Whether out of habit or because of peer pressure or family pressure, we often cling to poisonous thoughts, feelings, and individuals. Our unrealistic expectations set us up for failure, and our addiction to toxic people and activities brings us down. And then we wonder why it’s so hard to be happy. 

According to the Origins of Happiness report, eliminating mental health issues such as depression and anxiety would increase happiness by 20%. Complaining a lot of times and being judgemental would always hinder my happiness, I am finding a neutral response to a lot of things that is making me so happy. Since putting myself in the middle of the beam balance would not pull or push on any sides that makes my mind in a transcendent state. Understanding a lot of mechanisms that made me happy, investing in certain people, withdrawing from certain people, being wise in the ways to respond to situations and a lot of self reflections has made me more happy than ever.  I have finally realized what makes me happy,  ‘Giving’. Previously I would get sad when I wouldn’t receive as I expected for maintaining the equilibrium of giving and receiving but nowadays  I don’t count in return and this change in perception has made me happier. I am happy being vulnerable, making time for people, investing in celebration of people, writing few words to motivate people and so on. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am happy and sometimes my soul reminds me I am happy in its dynamic phases while asking colossal questions, the cycle continues.